Martin van de Loo – Traumatherapie Berlin
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Neurodivergent Affirming Therapist Berlin: NARM without Pathologising for ADHD, Autism & More

What do autism, ADHD and monotropism have to do with trauma? And how can NARM and Somatic Experiencing help? Neurodivergent affirming therapy in Berlin for adults.

Misty forest with trees of different shapes in warm light – neurodivergent affirming therapist Berlin

Neurodivergent affirming therapist Berlin-Kreuzberg: Are you autistic, do you have ADHD, both, or are you neurodivergent in another way, for example with dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia or Tourette’s? And are you exhausted from constantly adapting? Maybe you know the feeling of always being a bit too much or not enough. Or you mask so well that nobody notices how much energy everyday life costs you.

I see neurodivergence as a natural variation in thinking and experiencing. It’s part of who you are, not something that needs to be cured. What often weighs on people are the consequences: rejection, pressure to adapt, and years of feeling that something is wrong with you. That’s where I come in, with NARM, Somatic Experiencing and other methods, at my practice in the Bergmannkiez in Berlin-Kreuzberg.

What Is Neurodivergence?

The term neurodivergence describes different ways of thinking and experiencing as natural variation. Autism is often shaped by strongly monotropic attention and sensory differences. ADHD often shows up as an interest-based nervous system and a need for novelty. AuDHD combines both.

Neurodivergence also includes, for example, dyslexia (differences in reading and spelling), dyscalculia (differences in processing numbers), dyspraxia (differences in movement coordination and planning) and Tourette’s (tics). What they all have in common: the brain processes information in its own way, and this often goes unrecognised in a world designed for neurotypical people.

Neurodivergence isn’t a medical diagnosis, but a term you can identify with. Whether you have a diagnosis, suspect one, or simply recognise yourself in the description: what matters is how you understand yourself. Many people deliberately choose not to be stigmatised by a diagnosis.

The Strengths of Neurodivergent Experience

Neurodivergence comes with its own way of perceiving the world, and there’s a lot of strength in that:

  • Monotropism: Your attention focuses deeply on a few interests. This creates expertise, passion and in-depth knowledge, and may also make limerence (in German) more likely. The concept was developed by autistic researchers (Murray, Lesser & Lawson, 2005).
  • Hyperfocus: a flow state in which time and surroundings fade into the background, making creative or complex work possible.
  • Info-dumping: enthusiastically sharing your special interests, often a way of creating connection and closeness.
  • Intense perception: subtle sensory impressions, details and patterns that others miss.
  • Fast, connected thinking: Many people grasp connections in a flash and jump ahead in their thinking while others are still going step by step, especially with topics they love.
  • Questioning norms: a different view of what others take for granted, often a source of creativity and independence.
  • In relationships: often honesty, loyalty and depth instead of small talk. Plus clear agreements, and closeness that can also grow from quietly being side by side.

 

Therapy isn’t about making these sides smaller. On the contrary: the more safety your nervous system experiences, the more room there often is for what makes you who you are.

Neurodivergence and Trauma: What Can Wear You Out

Autism and ADHD are largely innate (Tick et al., 2016; Sandin et al., 2017). But many of the struggles neurodivergent people bring to me only arise in contact with a world designed for neurotypical people, and some also stem from very early stress:

 

  • Masking: unconsciously adapting to other people’s expectations so as not to stand out or be rejected. It protects you in the short term, but costs an enormous amount of energy over time.
  • Overwhelm, anger and shutdown: Sensory overload, an interrupted hyperfocus or too many social demands push the nervous system to its limit. Then it tips into anger, irritability or a meltdown, or it powers down into a shutdown.
  • Procrastination: Tasks that don’t interest you feel like an invisible wall. That isn’t laziness, but often a mix of overwhelm, pressure and a nervous system that goes into freeze.
  • Hypervigilance and overthinking: constantly being on guard, and replaying social situations afterwards to check whether everything was “right”.
  • Exhaustion and burnout: when adapting costs more energy over the years than you get back.
  • Minority stress (in German) and ableism: the traces of devaluation, bullying and the feeling of not belonging. See also systemic trauma (in German).
  • Relationships: masking even with the people closest to you, different needs for closeness and retreat, misunderstandings in communication. These arise on both sides and not from a lack of empathy, which autistic researcher Damian Milton describes as the “double empathy problem”. See also fear of commitment (in German).
  • The NARM perspective: NARM understands many of these patterns as survival strategies (in German) that come from very early insecurity, for example the Connection survival style. The nervous system then learned early on to switch to constant alarm or shutdown (fight, flight, freeze (in German)).
  • The Somatic Experiencing perspective: After very early, overwhelming experiences, such as a difficult birth, the whole body can stay in a state of baseline activation, known as Global High Intensity Activation: finding it hard to settle, swinging between being wired and collapsing.

 

If you’re neurodivergent and queer, these experiences can add up. More in my article Neuroqueer Therapy Berlin (in German).

Neurodivergence and Earlier Diagnoses

Many neurodivergent people only find out as adults why they’ve always felt different. While trying to understand what was going on with them, which for many is an agonising question, they often received other or additional diagnoses. For some, instead of bringing relief, these led to more pathologising and shame: the feeling that something is fundamentally wrong with them.

 

  • Anxiety and depression are common companions. According to a meta-analysis, about 42% of autistic adults experience an anxiety disorder in their lifetime, and about 37% depression (Hollocks et al., 2019). They are often a result of constant overwhelm and masking.
  • Borderline instead of autism: Especially in women, autism is sometimes misread as borderline personality disorder. People affected describe their later autism diagnosis as a great relief (Tamilson et al., 2024).
  • Trauma or ADHD? The effects of complex trauma and ADHD can look similar: restlessness, difficulty concentrating, irritability, trouble regulating emotions. Both can also be present at the same time (Spencer et al., 2016).

 

In therapy with me, the label comes second. We look at what’s weighing on you and what you want for yourself. If you’d like a diagnostic assessment, a psychiatrist or a specialised clinic is the right place for that.

How I Work

My aim isn’t to make you more “normal”, but to support you in living the way you want to. I’ve discovered neurodivergent and queer aspects in myself, without a corresponding diagnosis, and I bring this experience into my work.

NARM is my most important approach for this, because it fundamentally doesn’t pathologise. We look at the survival strategies you had to develop early on, such as adapting to others or putting your own needs aside. These strategies made sense. If they get in your way today, therapy can help you gain more freedom of choice: for example, deciding for yourself when you mask and when you don’t.

Somatic Experiencing works directly with the nervous system. In small, carefully paced steps, we widen your window of tolerance, the range in which you feel regulated. This can help overwhelm tip less quickly into anger, restlessness or shutdown. Anger is welcome here too: it often points to a boundary that has been crossed for a long time.

To be honest: even in therapy, you might sometimes feel judged, for example because we communicate differently. That’s human. I invite you to mention it as soon as you notice it. These are exactly the moments we can explore together, and often something becomes noticeable that also matters outside therapy.

You don’t have to make an effort to seem neurotypical in our sessions. Feel free to tell me what you need.

What I Don’t Offer

  • No diagnostics: I don’t diagnose ADHD or autism. For an assessment, please contact a psychiatrist, a specialised clinic or a licensed psychotherapist. But you don’t need a diagnosis to work with me. Self-identification is completely enough.
  • No medication: Only medical doctors can prescribe medication. But medication and therapy with me don’t exclude each other.
  • No behaviour training to fit in: I don’t offer programmes aimed at training away neurodivergent behaviour.
  • No therapy for children or adolescents: I only work with adults aged 18 and over. For children and young people, please contact a child and adolescent psychotherapist.

FAQ

Do I need a diagnosis for therapy?

No. Whether you’re diagnosed, see yourself as neurodivergent or simply suspect it: you’re welcome either way.

One session (60 minutes) costs 95 euros. Statutory health insurance doesn’t cover the costs. Private insurance may, depending on your policy. More about the process and terms on the Book a Session page.

Sessions in English take place in person at my practice in Berlin-Kreuzberg.

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If you recognise yourself here, feel free to book a session or get in touch.

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Further Reading (in German)

My Neurodivergence-related Articles